10 PSYCHOLOGICAL TIPS FOR A HAPPY FAMILY LIFE

1. Maintain a balance between family life and work life. Sometimes work tends to take up all of your time. Some people work overtime, others take on extra jobs, and others, even though they are homemakers, engage in all kinds of time-consuming activities that devour their time. Sometimes spouses work at great distances from each other and see each other very rarely. This kind of behaviour consumes a lot of energy and can lead to stress, excessive fatigue and alienation. That is why it is important for the psychological equilibrium of the family to have a balance between work and family life. What are you doing to maintain such a balance?

2. Promotes respect in the family. Probably, after “love”, respect is the strongest feeling that keeps the family together. It is essential for every spouse to show respect to their life partner. Ironies, indifference, insults, jealousy, irrelevance to the other’s passions and concerns, suspicion, disregarding the opinions of the life partner, excluding him from making important decisions, undermining his authority in front of the children, mistrust, etc. – erodes the family and gradually leads to its disintegration, sometimes dramatically (through excessive alcohol consumption, domestic violence, de facto separation, living parallel lives, divorce, etc.). Respect for one’s life partner is essential in developing trust, cohesion, gratitude, positive appreciation, mutual support and fostering positive relationships between spouses. Children have a lot to learn from showing respect in the family. How do you show your respect to your life partner?

3. Communicate, communicate and communicate. Sometimes we are amazed how the families of sailors, soldiers, TIR truck drivers, etc. – hold up very well, even though the spouses are separated for a long time. The psychological secret lies in good communication. Spouses talk constantly and share their thoughts, concerns, future plans, problems, successes, feelings. Communication, however, should not be limited only to problems (money, daily worries of the house, failures, arguments, reproaches, etc.), but should be predominantly optimistic. The more varied it is, the more stimulating it becomes. Communication makes spouses feel close, although they are separated by hundreds or even thousands of kilometres. Today’s means of communication, which also allow the transmission of instant images, make communication even easier. Attention, communication means both speaking and listening. If you don’t know, learn to listen to your partner. Don’t monopolize the entire conversation. Maybe he/she has something to say too… Pay attention to the tone and intonation used. Sometimes paralanguage can dramatically change the meaning of the idea you want to express (for example, it’s one thing to shout nervously and another to speak calmly about the issue at hand). So, do not hesitate to communicate with your life partner and maintain a positive psychological tone.

4. Reserve time only for family. In managing the family time budget (time for: cleaning, cooking, shopping, meeting friends, children’s lessons, playing, talking, eating, walking, vacations, trips, visiting relatives/friends, personal development, solving sensitive problems of life, relaxing, watching TV, giving gifts, intimate life, affection, support, etc.) reserve time for common activities, too. Each of the suggestions presented above can represent an idea for spending time together. It is important that partners show interest in each other, including in regards to some passions/concerns considered “more special”. Family life involves a partnership, and when both partners are involved in common activities, their relationship is strengthened. Periodically you may plan: a romantic outing to a restaurant, a walk in the park, a game, an anniversary, cooking a new dish together, watching a movie, a game with the children, a trip, a pleasant surprise, etc. Family dinner and mutual sharing of feelings (of love, of support, of interest in your partner’s work, of suffering over a certain loss, etc.) are essential! These activities break the routine and reopen the interest of each partner for new and new stimulating challenges, generating positive feelings. What plans have you made to spend pleasant time with your life partner today?

5. Be flexible in the family. Family life requires constant adaptation. People change gradually, without realizing it, as a result of objective factors (successes/failures in life, the appearance of the first child, focus on the professional career, children leaving the parental home, changing jobs, accidents or incidents, aging, weight gain, retirement, illness, loss of loved ones, unemployment, financial difficulties, stress at work, accumulated fatigue, etc.) and subjective (emotions of all kinds). Along with these changes come attitudinal, behavioural and emotional changes. At the same time, discussing essential family issues should not be taken as a competition of the type “I have to prove to my life partner that I am always right”. That’s why flexibility, forgiveness, understanding, acceptance and tolerance – shown by both partners can represent good solutions for a good adaptation to life’s challenges and reaching a functional compromise in family life. Do you consider yourself a flexible person?

6. Draw boundaries when necessary. It ispossible that some things in the family do not please you, whether it is the case of your husband/wife, children, relatives, etc. Be ready to say NO and set some boundaries. Your partner/child may not realize that it bothers you, but by openly discussing these issues, you make them understand, rationally and emotionally, that…it bothers you. Given the respect he has for you, he should pay attention to what you ask of him. Don’t abuse it, though. Family life means coexistence and not isolation by drawing boundaries and walls between spouses/parents and children. Be open too to what your partner/child tells you is bothering them or what they would like from you.

7. Maintain connection with those in the community. Family life does not mean isolation, but the opening of new interpersonal relationship bridges. These can be directed both to your old acquaintances/relatives, but also to: relatives, friends, colleagues of your life partner, neighbours, children’s teachers, etc. Any new contact opens up new possibilities for relationships. In this way, common interests and concerns can be discovered and new friendships can be made. These relationships can provide joy, a positive state of mind, interest in a certain field, help in case of need, etc. – for the whole family. Do you have friends?

8. Your family is the most important. Life is complicated and difficult, indeed. It can be challenging and even misleading in certain circumstances. Sometimes even friends can create problems for you or give you dilemmatic alternatives that affect your family life. Regardless of the situation, however, put your family first. Even in front of friends and relatives. Don’t disparage your family in front of strangers. Thus, you will find energy and enough psychological resources to rise from your own ashes, if necessary, with the help of your family. Such an approach will strengthen family cohesion and make it even more resilient in the face of potential difficulties. Do you feel that your own family is the most important?

9. Do not argue in front of the children. Sometimes, quarrels can also occur between spouses, for more or less objective reasons. Some of these can degenerate into insults, with insinuations, invectives and reproaches. Avoid these conflicting discussions taking place in front of the children. Quarrels between spouses have a very negative psychological effect on children and will strongly mark their lives. You certainly don’t want them to suffer needlessly.

10. Ask for psychological help, if necessary. Sometimes it happens that no matter how much you try to make your family life functional, things don’t turn out that way in reality. Unfortunately, such situations can also occur. You find that the problems are piling up, getting bigger and more complicated, and your solutions aren’t working. Then it’s time to turn to an expert. There are psychologists skilled in discussing and solving family problems, and their suggestions can help rebuild couples’ relationships. Sometimes, unfortunately, the solution can be a radical one – divorce. Life has shown that under certain circumstances (toxic relationship between partners, infidelity, inability to communicate as a couple, chronic disinterest in the family, alcoholism, violence, etc.) divorce can be a decision that must be made. Maybe, the next family will be the one you always wanted. Do not hesitate, therefore, to call a psychologist, if necessary.